Category Archives: Dreams

Watch out for flowers and don’t ruin your bus ticket

I’m upstairs at my parents house and my brother and dad are calling for me to cut the grass.

I really don’t want to but I come downstairs to help them with the gardening. They are both just standing in the conservatory looking at a tangled mower cable. I start trying to untangle the long cable; eventually I untangle it and start mowing the grass with what feels like an out of control mower.

Somehow, I am crossing over into our neighbor’s garden and back to our’s without disturbing the wooden fence dividing the gardens. My neighbors, Jean and Frank, and their daughters, are crouched down together tending to a single flower. They don’t seem to notice me and are not bothered by the very loud, and large, machine that seems to be getting bigger by the second narrowly missing them all. I have absolutely no control now and am trying desperately to keep hold of the mower which is destroying all the flowers in both gardens cutting down everything besides the grass which remains long.

The three of us are now on a bus and for some reason I have my tongue in the middle of my bus ticket. I don’t know why I am doing this but feel like I am normal doing it.

The bus drives stops at our destination and turns around before letting anyone off and goes back to where we were picked up. My dad goes to the ticket office to get a refund on our tickets because we ended up where we started.

I can’t get a refund on my ticket because my tongue hole has destroyed the bar code and price of the ticket.

Don’t sleep with dry gums

I see a soldier crossing the road, he is run over by a tank.

I try to wave down a bus but the soldier has gone, the bus driver in the distance has spotted me and is asking for the number plate of the tank. He is very far away and I don’t want to shout in case I talk in my sleep.

I climb up a near by building and find my girlfriend Inga has broken into the flat. We are both in Francis’ bedroom (from Malcolm in the Middle) and start looking through his things.

I find a tin that sounds like it has coins in it but I find a multi-coloured key about the size of a penny; for some reason Inga is very excited by this.

I am only in my boxer shorts and a t-shirt and start to get worried that the owners of the house will come home before I can get dressed.

I start putting my trousers on but it is very difficult; my arms are moving really slowly and everything is suddenly heavy. I can’t find the hole in the shoes to put my foot in; I start to worry that I might not hear the owners come home.

I’m now fully dressed and jump out the window and start hopping on the roofs; I finally get to my parents’ house.

My brother has a badly sunburned right leg, at the bottom he’s covered it in aloe vera.

My chest feels burned but for some reason I don’t want to tell anyone. When I speak my speech is very muffled and feels like there is something in my mouth.

My lip feels inflamed like it has swelled up double or triple in size.

All my family are gathered in the spare room that used to be a lounge, they’re watching TV or something. I cover my mouth when I talk to them because I don’t want them to see my lip.

I go to the mirror to see how bad it looks and the inside of my gums are completely covered in what looks like white slugs. I can hardly talk at this point and my speech is just a mumble.

My chest is still burning and I go upstairs to put some lotion on it. My mouth is very heavy and feels it’s going to fall off.

I wake up (actually) and am relieved that my gum is normal. My mouth is very dry as if I’ve been sleeping with it open all night.

Queue behind the cats

I’m in a very large wooden bungalow; it’s clean and well decorated.

A family party appears to be going on, not my family, I don’t know anyone but still feel like I’m accepted here. We have all just come back from somewhere, I think it’s the supermarket because everyone is carrying plastic bags.

Every room I go in there are people unnecessarily huddled together watching TV; I’m looking for a toilet.

I finally find one and there is a queue of three cats outside it, for some reason I lay flat with my chin on the floor at their level to queue behind them.

One comes towards me and I just know he wants me to rub his cheeks which I do. The others turn around and walk towards me.

SECOND CAT: “Now me!”

All three cats are now aggressively but sweetly bumping their heads into my face.

I realise that no one is in the bathroom and the door is open; I stand up and walk in.

About 30 people are in the room which has a large circular table in the middle with chairs surrounding it. There are a man with glasses and a bushy grey beard and a woman behind a desk with a clipboard; my girlfriend, Inga, is listening to the man talk.

“So for just £50 each you will both receive the secret template and you will be able to write any book you like.”

I look at the clipboard of attendees and Inga has already signed us both up. I think it’s a scam and cross our names off the list; Inga looks at me with a sad face as we walk out the room.

“What if I just go and we share the template?” Inga says.

I start to think that it might actually be useful to have this template, but I suppose we don’t both need to go to get it. Outside the room is a area of about 50 tables in front of a large stage and a show is going; people are walking from the bar carrying pitchers of beers. I think that it might be worth it if Inga goes to the workshop and I can have a few beers.

“Ok you go, I’ll give you like £20 towards it.” (So cheap I didn’t just pay half, or all of it)

Inga smiles and is now in the room and I’m outside.

“I’ll see you in about an hour I’ll just go for a drink or something.” I say.

“Ok, I’ll be waiting exactly right here for you, I won’t move one muscle.”

I laugh thinking she is joking but she’s not. I see her in a frozen position with her arms like a statue and a very serious face as the door closes.

Dream – Rock tubs will ruin your phones and car hornets are lazy

The rest of the family are in a different room and my Auntie Trish is dishing up spaghetti bolognese just for me with many plates stacked up on the kitchen side. Uncle Bob is walking around doing nothing but looks very busy.

I eat a massive plate of food in what seems like two spoonfuls; I feel ashamed that I’m still hungry but sneak another plate for myself.

Everyone is now in the kitchen waiting for me to finish my dinner. I finish and then we go into the garden forest to look for the naturally warm rock tubs.

I am prepared for a long cold 2 hour trek but to my surprise we stumble upon the rock tubs almost instantly.

Before us are two beautiful steaming ground level hot tubs naturally formed from stone with Caribbean blue water surrounded by exotic multi coloured flowers; petals are floating on the water surface.

I feel so cold, we began the short trek dressed in swimming suits and I can’t wait to jump in.

It is so nice, so hot, I can’t believe this is natural and feels so much nicer than the overly chlorinated hot tub constantly stuffed with hairy travelers making the most their stay at the hotel where I’m a gym member.

Suddenly I am at the top of a wet marble ladder and my parents are urging me to follow them down. I’m confused by my usually safety conscious Mum encouraging me not to worry without actually saying any words (my Mum never speaks in any of my dreams).

I reach in my pockets and find two smart phones drenched in water; I forgot to that them out when I went in the rock tubs.

To my surprised I am actually very relieved and excited to get a new phone which I know will be a very basic Nokia. I am excited at the thought of not spending so much time online and having a phone just for texting and calling.

I’m now in a car with my brother who has driven me to the shop to get my new phone; I’m in the back like a taxi passenger.

I freeze when I spot the passenger seat is completely covered in what looks like sleeping flies. I literally can’t move, and call out to my brother who doesn’t seem to mind.

I can move now and as I get closer the flies turn into inch long hornets, they move a bit but seem to not care.

As I get out the car I feel instant fear as I realise a sleeping hornet is in my mouth, if it stings me I think my throat will close up.

I carefully pull it out slowly and throw it on the floor and run away towards a very crowded swimming pool.

The big Jesus moon

I’m in a car with my dad and we’re driving down what looks like a road in America (I’m English by the way).

Someone on the radio is talking about the moon being ‘static’ and what causes it to become ‘active’.

I ask my dad what they mean and he starts to explain but for no reason at all I’m overwhelmed by an unreasonable feeling of being pissed off.

Before I show any anger, I rise from my face palm and see three moons in the sky, close together.

As we turn a corner I say:

“Dad look at that!”

Before he can react we both see another moon straight ahead about the size of a fist at arms length (just looked incredibly stupid confirming that size reference in the office).

My dad starts laughing hysterically; I am more shocked by the size but don’t question his amusement.

As we near closer, so does the moon as if it is in the sky; it’s also getting bigger.

It is nearly directly above us now and as we are about to pass under it I see the face of Jesus across the moon’s surface covering it completely.

Policemen and a lost key

I could not be seen but I saw everything, like a ghost.

Two drivers were having an argument about a ticket. One was in a sports car and the other in a normal car.

They were arguing about which one of them was going to get the ticket, as if they could decide, and for some reason they could decide.

“Just drive away, and none of us will get a ticket.” said the man in the normal car.

“I can’t, I lost my keys! Please just get the ticket, I will go to prison because my car is so nice. You have a cheap car and you’ll just get a small fine.”

The normal car drove away and the remaining driver banged on the steering wheel in frustration as his wife approached the parked car.

“Do you have the keys?” he said to his wife as she got in the car.


Two policemen approached the car.

“Just keep them talking, if they think we are about to drive away we will be OK.”

They then get into a long conversation with the two policemen about general things, the weather, stuff like that.

“OK then, have a nice day.” The driver says as he puts his hands on the wheel and looks forward as if he’s about to pull away.”

The two policemen smile as they walk away. One then looks back at the car, and stops.

“Is everything OK?”

The man sighs.

“No, I lost my keys.”

The policemen rush back to the car, kind of in a panic.

“You can’t park here Sir, I’m going to have to arrest you.”

“I think I left my keys on the beach.”

The policemen look at each other.

“We did promise to follow EVERY lead.”

Suddenly everyone, including the policemen, is on the beach digging through the sand looking for the key.

Hanging from the dirt

I was having a discussion with my friend Joe about our friend, Adam, and his Simpsons marathon he was currently having at his house. I said I was going to go join him later.

JOE: “But you’ve quit smoking weed.”
ME: “I know, I’m just going to watch The Simpsons.”
JOE: “I would bet my life you can’t go the whole night without getting high.”
ME: “I would bet my life that I can.”

I suddenly find myself at the top of a very high cliff (another dream about a cliff I know) with Joe and my brother. We have to get to the bottom because the top is a dead end, there was only one way down, I didn’t question how I got up there.

This cliff is really high. The edge is a vertical drop to the bottom, if we fell we wouldn’t hit anything before the ground. Although there is a drop directly to the ground, there are also trees and other grassy bits about 10ft away from the cliff edge sort of just hanging in mid air. Amongst the grassy bits are car-sized clumps of dirt.

Now I am quite literally relying on the strength of the hand length grass attached to the cliff edge that I am pointlessly clinging onto like a rope as I hang from the cliff and try to see around the grassy bits blocking our view of the area.

My brother decides to take a leap of faith onto the grassy area and we see him appear behind a clump of dirt sliding down a metal slide very fast almost vertically and reaches the bottom of the cliff. It is so high up I can barely see him but he seems OK.

Instead of the death slide, I make a rope from a normal sized bed sheet that I pull down from nowhere and is somehow long enough to reach the bottom of the cliff.

I am not sure what happened to Joe but I keep walking along the cliff side and come across a merry go round which is being ridden by one person, Timmy from Southpark. He looks at me and screams ‘Timmy!!!!!!!!!!’ and the dream ends.

The looming boulder of 500

I was walking through a forest and knew it was my turn next. I was accompanied by a few people but I forget what they looked like. I had been chosen but I didn’t question why or how.

I ended up on a beach, surrounded by people. Some were just hanging out like nothing was happening. Some were expecting me, just a few waiting, selling fireworks. I knew that I needed fireworks to complete the next stage, to complete what I had been chosen for. I had been chosen to die. I didn’t try to fight it, I didn’t try to escape, I just knew that it was inevitable.

The man I chose to buy the fireworks from said:

“Most people just point them in the air, stand underneath, and wait for the metal bolts to land on them, its the easiest way to die.”

I felt my time growing nearer, it was terrifying. I had no control over my fate and didn’t try to fight, I felt a sad feeling of helplessness.

I kept looking up over the passageway that overlooked the beach. Awaiting the ‘the boulder of 500’ that neared the end of its journey. Once it reached the edge of the cliffs, I was meant to light the fireworks and kill myself, to avoid a much worse fate.

To my surprise, the one before me, did not light the fireworks and forever had to ‘see the red’ of the boulder of 500. This meant that I had been spared and that I didn’t have to die. I dug the fireworks into the sand and pointed them out to sea before lighting them in celebration.